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So you're invited to a Chinese 8-course meal dinner. The time is stated 7.30 pm SHARP. They actually bold the word sometimes. You get ready for the day, prepare the angpow according to the venue and off you go. Then you realise some typical every-Chinese dinner scenarios.
Punctuality is Non-Existent
Like the invitation card says, 7.30 pm SHARP. But the dinner will never ever ever start at that time. Of 50 dinners I've attended, the average time for the dinner to start will be 8.30 pm. In fact, it's almost always 8.30 pm. I've even attended a dinner which started at 8.45 pm. WHY?! Because the other guests (other than you, who are always punctual in every occasion no matter what) arrives late. Some, even the host. Believe me it has happened in my very own experience and I'm shocked to the bones. I'm earlier than the host.
They say this is 'Malaysian Time' culture. What bullshit. If I'm punctual do you mean I'm not Malaysian? Actually punctuality is such an issue to me due to my countless WAITING and WAITING for people throughout my life. I HATE TO WAIT. I can eat alone in restaurants, I can shop alone, I can do everything alone BUT I HATE TO WAIT for people. What an inconsiderate action and most late comers do not fucking apologise, do not acknowledge their lateness AND do not fucking inform you that they're running late. Bad fucking manners! I hate waiting for late fuckers.
[Note] The foul language is not bad manners when it comes to describing punctuality.
So anyway, back to non-existent punctuality in Chinese dinners. If the host starts on time without WAITING for the late comers, what will happen ah? Will be struck by lightning due to disrespect to family and friends ah? Oh wait if the host is late, how to start on time?! Bodoh.
The Music is Too Loud
That I can't hear myself think. Please. Brains!!! The dinner is probably a gathering of family and friends and boy DO THEY WANT TO TALK TO EACH OTHER. But we can't hear each other because of the loud freaking music!!! It's actually worse than clubbing. I hate to club because it's impossible to hear a word people say (perfectly described in one of the episodes of the sitcom How I Met Your Mother). So if you DO want to talk in these dinners, you will have to shout at the top of your lungs, and struggle to listen to every word your conversing partner is saying. After 10 minutes of this activity you give up and concentrate on the food instead.
Karaoke Sessions in Dinners
I love to sing. Honest to god. But if there are thousands of people gathered in one place to sing karaoke, that's a no no. Not everybody in the venue likes music. Not everybody in the venue can sing well. Most of them do not freaking sing properly. Out of tune by 3 whole keys, out of rhythm by 10 whole bars. So, since the music is already too loud, coupled with bad singing = destroys the joyous night.
If it is a small gathering of close extended families, karaoke is permitted. Know why?! IF the family chose to have a karaoke session, it means that THEY CAN SING and since it's a genetic ability, EVERYBODY can sing well.
Bad Emcees
I hate HIRED EMCEES. They promote themselves too much and talk too much, causing the dinner to end late on top of the unpunctual start of the dinner. Emcees of the night SHOULD BE close friends / family of the celebrated personnel. I don't care. It should be that way.
And that ends a torturous 3 hour ordeal just to witness a relative (whom you do not know, by the way) getting married.
Punctuality is Non-Existent
Like the invitation card says, 7.30 pm SHARP. But the dinner will never ever ever start at that time. Of 50 dinners I've attended, the average time for the dinner to start will be 8.30 pm. In fact, it's almost always 8.30 pm. I've even attended a dinner which started at 8.45 pm. WHY?! Because the other guests (other than you, who are always punctual in every occasion no matter what) arrives late. Some, even the host. Believe me it has happened in my very own experience and I'm shocked to the bones. I'm earlier than the host.
They say this is 'Malaysian Time' culture. What bullshit. If I'm punctual do you mean I'm not Malaysian? Actually punctuality is such an issue to me due to my countless WAITING and WAITING for people throughout my life. I HATE TO WAIT. I can eat alone in restaurants, I can shop alone, I can do everything alone BUT I HATE TO WAIT for people. What an inconsiderate action and most late comers do not fucking apologise, do not acknowledge their lateness AND do not fucking inform you that they're running late. Bad fucking manners! I hate waiting for late fuckers.
[Note] The foul language is not bad manners when it comes to describing punctuality.
So anyway, back to non-existent punctuality in Chinese dinners. If the host starts on time without WAITING for the late comers, what will happen ah? Will be struck by lightning due to disrespect to family and friends ah? Oh wait if the host is late, how to start on time?! Bodoh.
The Music is Too Loud
That I can't hear myself think. Please. Brains!!! The dinner is probably a gathering of family and friends and boy DO THEY WANT TO TALK TO EACH OTHER. But we can't hear each other because of the loud freaking music!!! It's actually worse than clubbing. I hate to club because it's impossible to hear a word people say (perfectly described in one of the episodes of the sitcom How I Met Your Mother). So if you DO want to talk in these dinners, you will have to shout at the top of your lungs, and struggle to listen to every word your conversing partner is saying. After 10 minutes of this activity you give up and concentrate on the food instead.
Karaoke Sessions in Dinners
I love to sing. Honest to god. But if there are thousands of people gathered in one place to sing karaoke, that's a no no. Not everybody in the venue likes music. Not everybody in the venue can sing well. Most of them do not freaking sing properly. Out of tune by 3 whole keys, out of rhythm by 10 whole bars. So, since the music is already too loud, coupled with bad singing = destroys the joyous night.
If it is a small gathering of close extended families, karaoke is permitted. Know why?! IF the family chose to have a karaoke session, it means that THEY CAN SING and since it's a genetic ability, EVERYBODY can sing well.
Bad Emcees
I hate HIRED EMCEES. They promote themselves too much and talk too much, causing the dinner to end late on top of the unpunctual start of the dinner. Emcees of the night SHOULD BE close friends / family of the celebrated personnel. I don't care. It should be that way.
And that ends a torturous 3 hour ordeal just to witness a relative (whom you do not know, by the way) getting married.
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